SLAVE THE DRAGON: Nope, nope, nope...
POISONED APPLE: Thank ya for doin' all the work for me, Purple Star.
Harvestin' 'n' poisonin' all 'em apples really is a chore.
Ya know,
ah thought since ah'm clearly the most uninspired character of our group,
maybe ah should think o' somethin' to make mah personality a bit more interestin'.
Whaddya think?
PURPLE STAR: Hold that thought, Poisoned Apple.
Slave, what do you think you're doing?
You've been sitting on my back doing nothing all day!
SLAVE: I did most the work while you flirted with Poisoned Apple's brother.
PURPLE: Oh yeah,
I would let him plow my field, anytime!
SLAVE: (burps)
"Dear Purple Star,
"due to the...
"unexpected death of two of my servants I need two new maids,
"preferably two sexy ones.
"So if you know somepony like that,
"please send them these two tickets to the Great Pair Of Horse Balls."
PURPLE, POISONED: Roll credits!
["Welcome To The H.E.R.D. Theme" starts playing]
[song ends]
PURPLE, POISONED: The Great Pair Of Horse Balls!
PURPLE: I don't even know what that is.
Do you, Slave?
SLAVE: Yeah, it's a big party that goes on for two nights,
each ending in a sexiness contest.
At the very end of each night
Hot Plot takes the top ten mares and colts of that night to her chambers.
PURPLE: Now where do you know that from again?
SLAVE: I'm a pre-teen dragon boy with access to the Internet.
PURPLE (O-S): You know,
just thinking about that makes me crave for your brother's great pair of...
RAINBOW ASS (O-S): Whoa!
Did somepony just say "great pair of horse balls"? (chuckles)
POISONED: Rainbow Ass,
y'all told me, ya were too busy to do mah chores!
What were ya busy doin'?
Cloppin'?
RAINBOW: No,
I was busy...
yes, actually, I was busy clopping! (chuckles)
PURPLE: Is it just me or is this episode very explicit?
RAINBOW: You wanna see something really explicit? (chuckles)
PURPLE: I'm outta here!
SLAVE: So who are you gonna give those tickets to?
PURPLE: I'll keep one of them for myself, of course.
Nopony is sexier than me.
And winning that contest would give me the perfect opportunity
to slaughter Hot Plot.
GENERAL WEIRDNESS: Slaughter Hot Plot?! PURPLE, SLAVE: Uff!
SLAVE: I better grab those before...
WEISSWURST: Erstaunlich!
Are zose wat I sink zey are?
WEIRDNESS: Tickets to the Great Pair Of Horse Balls, yes!
Purple Star just invited me so I'd get the perfect opportunity
to kill princess Hot Plot and take her place!
WEISS: In zat case zey are not wat I sought zey are.
But now I'm even more interested!
SLAVE: Hey!
BUTTERFLY BUTT: (gasp)
Flowey, stop picking up garbage.
Hey Purple Star,
stop littering all over the town, you walking pollution.
WEISS: Zose are not trash,
zey're tickets to an important event.
BUTTERFLY: Well, then don't drop it you...
I-I mean,
then I would like to participate in this event.
PURPLE: Well, you're the first one who actually asks
and you're somewhat sexy,
so I guess I'll take you?
RAINBOW (O-S): Hey!
If somepony takes her, it'll be me!
And if somepony here is sexy, it's me, too!
POISONED: Ah think mah personality will be the grumpy one.
PURPLE: Can one really chose their role in the universe
or are we all just a small part of a story set in stone?
POISONED: Ah don't care 'cause ah'm the grumpy one,
like that dwarf from Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs.
Ah forgot his name, though.
RAINBOW: His name is Grumpy!
How can you forget a name that simple?
WEIRDNESS: Ponies like you cannot change who they are!
ALL EXCEPT PURPLE: (talk over each other)
PURPLE: Now I got two problems to take care of.
First, I gotta find somepony as sexy as me
and then it is my duty as P.K.L. to stop Poisoned Apple from going overboard.
Urgh,
when can I order?
SLAVE: Uhm, Purple Star?
We just did, remember?
PURPLE: Oh!
(echo) Yeah, I'd like to have the Soup Soup Soup.
Oh, this isn't what I...
well, if I complain afterwards I still get to eat it.
What is going on?
Rainbow Ass?
RAINBOW: Oh, hey Purps!
Whatcha doing, sexiest of all sexiest mares!
PURPLE: Rainbow Ass,
what're you doing?
RAINBOW: Aw, nothing,
just filled some clouds with radioactive waste and letting it rain on the town to eliminate my rivals.
PURPLE: I see...
RAINBOW: Seriously, I do it every day!
SPIKED PUNCH: Aah, I'm melting! I'm melting! What a world!
RAINBOW: (giggles nervously)
PURPLE: Rainbow Ass,
I am not comfortable with you killing off potential future soldiers,
so I must order you as your leader to stop immediately.
RAINBOW: Nah!
Suck my...
WEISS: Purple Star, wat are you doing here?
PURPLE: Literally getting wasted.
WEISS: Come wiz me!
Maybe zere is still hope for you!
WEISS: Nun, how do you like zese new uniforms I made for ze H.E.R.D.?
Ve vill make quite ze impression vhen ve vin ze contest at the balls.
PURPLE: Wait,
the balls?
WEISS: Ahah,
yes,
you vere going to pick me, ja?
PURPLE: Well, if that's your plan then you can forget about these uniforms.
Now that Ass stopped pouring acid on the town,
I can finally get back home and eat.
POISONED: Did somepony just say "eat"?
Cause ah decided to become the one friend who always eats a shit ton o' food
but never gains any weight.
So whaddya say?
PURPLE: No,
no!
I got no time to deal with you right now,
I haven't even solved the first problem yet!
Urgh!
POISONED: So, is that a yes?
PURPLE: I hope Slave hasn't eaten the good stuff in the kitchen, again.
BUTTERFLY: (sings) Baby, baby, baby, ooh!
Baby, baby, baby, ooh!
PURPLE: Oh no, this is even worse!
BUTTERFLY: Oh,
hello Purple Star.
What brings you here on this fine day?
PURPLE: I live here!
BUTTERFLY: Oh
well,
see how I make those creatures work for me?
Never seen one who could resist.
He's an exception.
He's my brother trapped in a rabbit's body.
PURPLE: I'm outta here.
This place just keeps getting crazier and crazier.
So I'm leaving...
through this door...
right now.
WEIRDNESS (O-S): Freeze!
I have gathered a few ponies
who have survived the mysterious acid rain PURPLE: General...
WEIRDNESS: ...to personally carry us to the event.
PURPLE: General... WEIRDNESS: We will be making quite the appearance,
you and I!
PURPLE: General... WEIRDNESS: From this day forward
I shall be known as princess...
PURPLE: Weirdness!
WEIRDNESS: Actually, my real name is Weird Nessie.
PURPLE: The Great Pair Of Horse Balls isn't in another six month!
BACKGROUND PONIES (O-S): The Great Pair Of Horse Balls?!
(talk over each other)
SLAVE: What are we gonna do?
PONY (O-S): I'll get you a copy of Dethroning 101! PURPLE: We're...
PONY (O-S): I'll get you a copy of Dethroning 101! PURPLE: gonna...
PONY (O-S): It's a bestseller! run!
PONIES: (talk over each other)
PURPLE, SLAVE: Phew!
WEIRDNESS (O-S): Freeze!
PURPLE: (screams)
It's getting too much for me!
I can't deal with your genocidal hobbies, racism,
identity crisis, Justin Beaver songs or weirdness!
I thought being a P.K.L. would be fun, but the truth is,
you're all so unbearable, it hurts, it literally hurts!
Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla!
And now I'm starting to think that I will never kill the princess!
POISONED: (Italian accent) Purple Star,
you wante me to make you spaghetti to cheer you uppe?
Because I've decide to become italio pony.
Though now that ah'm thinkin' 'bout it...
maybe mah trait...
could be changing personality itself?
BUTTERFLY: You know,
I really fucking hate you,
but if it helps,
I'll stop secretly trying to kill you...
for today...
WEIRDNESS: And me too!
And also I should probably mention that the end is neigh!
WEISS: I guess, I do need to keep in mind that you're my Führer now!
RAINBOW: I don't need to apologise,
I was right all along! (chuckles)
(sings) I got the ticket, I got the ticket!
Well, maybe I haven't been right all along...
but I still get to buttfuck Butterfly Butt!
BUTTERFLY: Say what?
POISONED: (Purple Star impression) Urgh, did you eat too many sweets again?
How often do I,
Purple Star,
have to tell you:
The good stuff in the kitchen is...
watch out!
PURPLE: Another letter from the princess?
SLAVE: "It appears there have yet again been...
"unexpected deaths.
"Four more of my servants mysteriously died in their sleep
"which was very easy to pull off, by the way.
"Also the sea serpent slave who was guarding my Rainbow Diamond Uranus Spirale..."
RAINBOW (O-S): (chuckles)
Uranus!
SLAVE: "...in my old castle
"has been found dead,
"so I need in total six servants and one slave now."
Look,
she send even more tickets!
RAINBOW (O-S): Now about me and Buttbutt...
BUTTERFLY (O-S): In your dreams!
WEIRDNESS: The end is neigh! RAINBOW (O-S): You know me too well! (chuckles)