TRANSCRIPT

Harkinian: Hi there! I'm the King of Hyrule, and this is mah boi, Link. He's gay as you can see.

Link: How about a kiss? For -

Harkinian: Text me in the morning.
Iteachvader has almost 500 subscribers. If you get him to 500 subs, I'm going to put back Link's sexy dinner.

"Link's rapeface"

(Later, in Morshu's shop)

Morshu: It's lamp oil, my friend. You want to drink it?

Harkinian: Yes! I want to drink lamp oil.

Morshu: Come back when it's light outside.

Harkinian: But it's daytime..!

Morshu: Sorry, King Harkinian. You're a little, Mmmm, too early.

Harkinian: Fuck you and your shitty shop. I'm going to Duke Onkled's for dinner.

(Later, ,at Duke Onkled's mansion)

Harkinian: ... Duke Onkled?

*glassware shattering*

Duke Onkled: Ohh! Urgh! Your Omnipotence! Is that you?

Harkinian: Yes, it's me.

Duke Onkled: Go away..

Harkinian: ..What?

Duke Onkled: Zelda told me to tell you to go away.

Harkinian: OAH!

(Harkinian gets angry, fire burns in his eyes)

Duke Onkled: Have merc-

*smack*

Duke Onkled: Urgh!

Harkinian: That HOE! I'm hungry!

Zelda: Father? What happene-

Harkinian: YOU! I'm hungry! YOU ARE MY DINNER.

*zelda draws sword, but is a second too late*

*CHOMP*

(Duke Onkled wakes up and looks for Zelda)

Duke Onkled: Zelda...?

...

*WILD HARKINIAN APPEARED*

Duke Onkled: ! Your Omnipo-

*CHOMP*

(A small while later, in Impa's room)

Impa: *glances at Triforce* Oh dear, the King's been in a terrible fight! I can't tell what -

*Harkinian and Zelda appear in the Triforce*

Impa: Oh, look!

Triforce Harkinian: *points at Triforce Zelda* Sex toy!

Triforce Link: Yeah!

Impa: What the heck?

Zelda, offscreen: Impa!?

Hectan *with Impa's voice* Yes?

Harkinian: WHOA! What the fuck!?

*Harkinian attempts to beat Hectan up, but to no avail*

Harkinian: Fuck this shit!

*Harkinian punches faster, finally lands a couple blows, and nearly gets decapitated by a shot from Hectan*

Harkinian: WHOA!

*Battle continues for a bit, and Harkinian gets knocked out of Hyrule Castle*

Harkinian: OOOOOOOAAAAHHHH!

*Harkinian retaliates, re-enteres the castle by blowing a giant hole in the wall, and resumes the fight*

*Mario and Luigi walk up to visit the castle, open the door and stop at the sounds of Harkinian and Hectan fighting*

*Fight stops for a second, then King Harkinian begins powering up*

Hectan: *befuddled stare*

*earth is slowly destroyed by Harkinian's powerful blast energy blast*

Mayor Kravindish: This is illegal, you know!