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[Music]

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thank you

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daddy why do you always have me Piss On

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this man's grave

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was he a bad egg

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what do you think [ __ ] he stabbed me in

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the back with a cutless sword and ruined

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my plan to finally get revenge on Uncle

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Chuck

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who's Uncle Chuck

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Uncle Chuck is the uncle of the one and

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only Sonic the Hedgehog Who Sonic the

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Hedgehog

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bartlebby's [ __ ]

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damn

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I know now pull up your pants we have to

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hurry if we're going to make it in time

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for the chili cook-off

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[Music]

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the [ __ ] do you mean are you saying I

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can't participate unless I'm on a team

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of three people

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yep

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what am I supposed to do let my wife and

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son help me [ __ ] my Chili's been a top

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secret Family Recipe passed down the

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line of men my wife Nancy is a woman and

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my son is going through animal phase

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he hasn't even started middle school yet

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and not yet a man

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you'll have to excuse me for not giving

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a [ __ ]

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sweet tabouli salad Nancy are you

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hearing this [ __ ] I've entered this

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contest every year since I was 12 years

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old and this is how they choose to repay

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my ass

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they never changed the rules not once go

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get the medical cut out of the family

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van cause if things don't change soon

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I'm going to punch your face

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this year we've decided to change things

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around what are you gonna do about it

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beat me up [ __ ] please your outfit and

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haircut makes you look like a default

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Lego minifigure

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I do not tell him Nancy tell him I don't

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look like a let go

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it's okay father I like your chili in

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fact I love it we can just go back home

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and have it for dinner

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while we sit at the dinner table

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watching cartoons on our new Roku

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television

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look over there honey I think think I

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Supply some people from our neighborhood

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daddy aren't those the movies that

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outshide our ass that one Halloween with

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their super extreme haunted house

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what

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what Domingo

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participated in myself

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I'm terribly sorry sir but the rules

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clearly State there have to be three

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members

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if you don't have anyone else who knows

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how to cook go away

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what no you didn't you smelly liar yet

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you don't do anything but plays around

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eating Ranch seasoned pretzel sticks

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with a cold beer while watching reruns

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of black and white shows

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you have no life we wouldn't even be

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here if my bro didn't want free chili oh

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man yes

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doesn't matter we don't listen to fat

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guys with big mustaches

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oh golly me what do we have here

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public family quarreling with your

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nephews again huh Mr Chuck what's the

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issues this time

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did you poop your pants begging your

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nephews to wipe that nasty butt

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that was

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if he was you

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wait you too

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I I mean

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how unfortunate for you

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but it appears we are in the same boat

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here

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well not really the same boat

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you're in a tiny little dinghy and I'm

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in a yacht since my family is richer

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than yours and all that [ __ ] but we are

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still both in boats if you catch my

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drift

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howdy Neighbors did I hear you say you

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were having trouble entering the

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contests too

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Randy or

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Charles is that you pal what a

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coincidence how's the family doing

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anyway I heard you're looking for a team

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you guys wouldn't happen to want to join

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mine would you

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hold on now let's rewind this a bit who

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the hell are you again

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my name's Randy I live next door to the

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Hedge house

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you know them too I'm surprised they

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haven't talked about me

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no actually they haven't in fact we

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don't quite get along much

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since they're jealous that my house has

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one more story and three more rooms then

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there's does

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hmm

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hold it Hedgehog guy what you think

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you're putting there in my chili

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it's raining foreign

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no everybody knows real chili doesn't

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include beans

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no kidney beans no green beans no black

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eyed peas not even bushes baked

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he's ripe Chuck authentic chili does not

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actually contain beans in fact the

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original recipe for chili which was

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created in the 1800s did not include

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beans at all poor people just did that

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over time to make it more filling but it

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dilutes the flavor

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is

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so sexy

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only to you now open the bag of Fritos

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Fritos are we making chili orifrito pie

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here I'm doing what I was born to do

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which is whatever I [ __ ] want [ __ ]

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this is supposed to be a team effer if

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you were making chili to drop all over a

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plate of nasty free toes we need to go

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back and change the whole recipe

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change the recipe ha big talk for a guy

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who can't even change his shoes

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why would I need to change my shoes

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gosh darn it Mr Johnson Control your

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demon child

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don't talk to me I am very perturbed

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right now

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hey don't go pooping on my Dad's shoes

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again or you're going to regret it

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I'll poop on yours too [ __ ]

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that's it I warned you Buckaroo we're

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going to settle this like all 13 year

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olds do with the power of Beyblade

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sorry I only play back again

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okay never mind then I guess

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Sony it is

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you got it Uncle Chuck you can count on

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us

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oh drat too much K and pepper seasoning

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again why must these instructions be so

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difficult to follow sometimes

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Bro Look Bartleby is here let's go see

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if he has any tips to spruce up Uncle

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Chuck's chili

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uh if it isn't my beach have you also

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come to have a taste of some of

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America's Finest chili

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yes your guess is indeed correct I did

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buy McCormick the spice and extract

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manufacturing company

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but isn't McCormick chili a prepackaged

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box mix

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yes and I'd say it really is quite tasty

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I never made chili before so I figured

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today would be the perfect opportunity

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to dip my toes in the culinary field I

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know pre-packaged chili mix isn't

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anything special and I don't plan to win

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any prize

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but just being here among all these

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fellow people who love Chile it's enough

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to bring a theater to my eye

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hey man don't look now but I think

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someone over there is using pre-packaged

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chili mix from Target

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talk about quench bro

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don't you dare laugh at him he's trying

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his best okay

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such a thing should be cause for

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celebration and not to be ridiculed

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yeah what my [ __ ] said

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I don't need a couple of strict guys

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telling me how to make McCormick's chili

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I'm only here for fun and to meet new

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people and make new friends

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is that not why we're all here because

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we all love Chile don't get me wrong

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answers but if I so wondered I could

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make a truly Dancer too tin that you

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would be begging to get on my balls if

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it meant you getting the recipe

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[Applause]

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or is that one of this contests stupid

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rules too that you can't enjoy yourself

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yet

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[Music]

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oh my God bro Bart will be just ripped

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that guy's arm off

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I did and I just want you to know one

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thing you find piece of blueberry popped

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up if my parents hear about this and

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ground Me by God I will light

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firecrackers up your ass

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and pee on everything you love

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now you're gonna stay here and help

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pawpaw with your young Chile I'll be

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clear or do you want your ass cheeks put

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over my fireplace mantle

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yes Bartel I mean master I live to do as

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you say

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[Music]

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Mr Johnson stop it

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no everyone knows Fritos goes on the

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bottom and then she's and sour cream on

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top

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with the Fritos we're not making a Frito

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chili pie

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then what the hell are we doing here

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making chili

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well damn then I guess I'm not moving

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forget this guy Chuck let's go find

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another table and make our own chili

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there

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we go

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that is it I've had it up to here with

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you selfish bastards IM out like a fat

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kid in Dodgeball

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Randy white chili

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don't try and stop me I should have

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known it would never work out

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I thought that because we were all from

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the same neighborhood

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and we had things in common like how

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we're all middle-aged men

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who look for excuses to hit the kids in

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our own various personal lives

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and we could put whatever course we may

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have had behind our ass

250
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but I suppose that's impossible with two

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stuck up but kind of sexy [ __ ] like

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you too

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Randy go ahead put your chili in the

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bowl

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huh

256
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you're right Randy about everything me

257
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and my son

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we dare I say have intacted very much

259
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like white folk today have we

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Randy

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you guys do you really mean it

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I guess

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okay let's all spank each other as a

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show of recognition

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that sounds gay

266
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it's not gay because that's what

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baseball players do yet after playing

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with balls for hours around sweatyman

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let's just do it quickly before my wife

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sees

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I think we might need to do it again you

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know just to be sure we did it's right

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haha I didn't know you were into this

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kind of [ __ ]

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foreign

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but what can be done the deadline for

277
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the contest is just under seven minutes

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from now

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it's too late to make a new pot of chili

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we we lost

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00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:26,159
chance

282
00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:41,480
what do we do with the bag of Fritos and

283
00:12:38,820 --> 00:12:41,480
can of beans

284
00:12:49,799 --> 00:12:54,120
the competitors have now all completed

285
00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:56,279
cooking their dishes it's time for the

286
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:58,940
judging to begin please step up when we

287
00:12:56,278 --> 00:12:58,939
call your names

288
00:13:07,259 --> 00:13:11,179
I would like to present to you the very

289
00:13:09,059 --> 00:13:13,739
first official montcla family tree

290
00:13:11,179 --> 00:13:16,199
passed down in my family starting from

291
00:13:13,740 --> 00:13:20,278
this morning with the purchase of all 65

292
00:13:16,200 --> 00:13:23,278
McCormick locations across 27 countries

293
00:13:20,278 --> 00:13:23,278
mm-hmm

294
00:13:25,820 --> 00:13:32,120
oh my the choice of spices is superb

295
00:13:29,339 --> 00:13:34,860
what did you use ketchup

296
00:13:32,120 --> 00:13:37,560
I don't know I didn't read what it said

297
00:13:34,860 --> 00:13:40,320
on the packet hold up are you saying you

298
00:13:37,559 --> 00:13:42,419
used a pre-packaged recipe

299
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:44,399
[ __ ] help me what do the words

300
00:13:42,419 --> 00:13:46,620
pre-packaged mean

301
00:13:44,399 --> 00:13:49,679
it means you bought it from a store

302
00:13:46,620 --> 00:13:51,539
don't play with me I'm ABQ as a baby but

303
00:13:49,679 --> 00:13:54,539
I'm not stupid like one

304
00:13:51,539 --> 00:13:57,719
everything comes from the store well I

305
00:13:54,539 --> 00:13:59,338
suppose but not technically

306
00:13:57,720 --> 00:14:01,440
explain

307
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:03,899
do you see bartelby apples come from

308
00:14:01,440 --> 00:14:06,120
trees which start out as a little seed

309
00:14:03,899 --> 00:14:09,120
in the ground and then where does that

310
00:14:06,120 --> 00:14:10,019
seed come from exactly the store smelly

311
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:11,940
boy

312
00:14:10,019 --> 00:14:13,019
actually dear they come from other

313
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:15,480
apples

314
00:14:13,019 --> 00:14:17,820
and apples I bought in the store are you

315
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:20,278
[ __ ] or are you pretending to be a

316
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:24,000
special needs child to piss me off

317
00:14:20,278 --> 00:14:26,399
no I I I'll just start talking now

318
00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:29,720
yo are you scared of me I'll give you

319
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:29,720
something to really be scared about

320
00:14:31,559 --> 00:14:35,699
up so you're challenging me I see

321
00:14:33,899 --> 00:14:38,299
outrating about being a passive [ __ ]

322
00:14:35,700 --> 00:14:38,300
taught you well

323
00:14:40,139 --> 00:14:44,278
you dare use my own attacks against me

324
00:14:42,360 --> 00:14:47,120
fool I'm the one who taught you

325
00:14:44,278 --> 00:14:47,120
everything you know

326
00:14:53,419 --> 00:14:58,819
you can really take it as a power bottom

327
00:14:56,039 --> 00:14:58,819
you know that

328
00:15:02,399 --> 00:15:05,899
I'm not done with you yet

329
00:15:09,419 --> 00:15:13,860
and now we're moving on to the final

330
00:15:11,159 --> 00:15:17,100
contestants of the day everyone put your

331
00:15:13,860 --> 00:15:19,699
hands together for Uncle Chuck Randy and

332
00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:19,699
Mr Johnson

333
00:15:24,360 --> 00:15:29,159
Jesus Christ it looks like a molten

334
00:15:26,879 --> 00:15:31,559
bucket of [ __ ] are you sure this is safe

335
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:33,120
enough to eat

336
00:15:31,559 --> 00:15:34,979
probably

337
00:15:33,120 --> 00:15:37,440
it doesn't matter what it looks like or

338
00:15:34,980 --> 00:15:39,420
smells like the three of us went through

339
00:15:37,440 --> 00:15:41,100
a lot of trouble to create that dish so

340
00:15:39,419 --> 00:15:44,099
you're gonna eat it

341
00:15:41,100 --> 00:15:44,100
foreign

342
00:15:48,179 --> 00:15:56,239
very well you have convinced me down the

343
00:15:51,539 --> 00:15:56,240
hatchet goes boys eat a donkey Moss

344
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[Music]

345
00:16:17,940 --> 00:16:20,420
always

346
00:16:21,240 --> 00:16:26,039
he's not breathing so I'm like 75 sure

347
00:16:24,659 --> 00:16:28,439
he's dead

348
00:16:26,039 --> 00:16:30,719
but don't worry you three won't be

349
00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:32,519
charged for murder since all three of

350
00:16:30,720 --> 00:16:34,560
you made the chili it would be

351
00:16:32,519 --> 00:16:36,539
impossible to prove which one of your

352
00:16:34,559 --> 00:16:39,000
guys ingredients was actually the part

353
00:16:36,539 --> 00:16:40,980
that killed a man your man from entering

354
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:42,839
any more chili cook-offs from now on

355
00:16:40,980 --> 00:16:45,480
though

356
00:16:42,839 --> 00:16:47,820
wait it is that's that

357
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:50,579
no bro everyone for us

358
00:16:47,820 --> 00:16:52,740
all who cares about that crap the way I

359
00:16:50,578 --> 00:16:57,059
see it we all want something better than

360
00:16:52,740 --> 00:16:57,060
some dumb blurban what

361
00:16:57,379 --> 00:17:08,868
finding two great new friends

362
00:16:59,269 --> 00:17:08,868
[Music]

363
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:15,720
hell yeah [ __ ] macaroni and cheese at

364
00:17:13,980 --> 00:17:17,578
the local Hooters

365
00:17:15,720 --> 00:17:19,500
you [ __ ] face you literally took the

366
00:17:17,578 --> 00:17:21,659
words right out of my mouth

367
00:17:19,500 --> 00:17:23,640
haha but I'll have to be home by seven

368
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:24,300
can't have the wife suspecting [ __ ] you

369
00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:27,059
know

370
00:17:24,299 --> 00:17:30,000
[Music]

371
00:17:27,058 --> 00:17:31,859
say Spud your daddy Mr Johnson is

372
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:36,319
actually pretty cool

373
00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:38,399
are you talking to me Randy is my dad

374
00:17:36,319 --> 00:17:40,429
funny joke

375
00:17:38,400 --> 00:17:47,580
I'm serious

376
00:17:40,430 --> 00:17:49,200
[Music]

377
00:17:47,579 --> 00:17:51,839
you know I've been wondering since the

378
00:17:49,200 --> 00:17:53,880
minute I saw you today why does your son

379
00:17:51,839 --> 00:17:55,918
have brown hair well both your and your

380
00:17:53,880 --> 00:17:59,400
wife are blunt like me

381
00:17:55,919 --> 00:18:00,840
now genetics I guess genetics can be

382
00:17:59,400 --> 00:18:02,940
weird

383
00:18:00,839 --> 00:18:05,038
no they can't

384
00:18:02,940 --> 00:18:07,140
do you keep tabs on your wife where

385
00:18:05,038 --> 00:18:09,900
you're away at work

386
00:18:07,140 --> 00:18:14,038
I don't need to she's a stay-at-home mum

387
00:18:09,900 --> 00:18:16,440
like all good [ __ ] are why do you ask

388
00:18:14,038 --> 00:18:18,298
I see and this is the first day you met

389
00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:20,038
sir Andy I take it

390
00:18:18,298 --> 00:18:23,579
well yeah he's been in our neighborhood

391
00:18:20,038 --> 00:18:25,740
forever though but we never got along

392
00:18:23,579 --> 00:18:28,939
so you're saying your wife doesn't talk

393
00:18:25,740 --> 00:18:30,779
with him well you're aware at work

394
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:32,340
obviously not

395
00:18:30,779 --> 00:18:34,798
she lost the right to leave the house

396
00:18:32,339 --> 00:18:36,359
unsupervised 13 years ago when I caught

397
00:18:34,798 --> 00:18:39,538
her sneaking out of the house with a

398
00:18:36,359 --> 00:18:43,699
plate of sandwiches how old is your son

399
00:18:39,538 --> 00:18:43,700
13. what's your point [ __ ]

400
00:18:43,980 --> 00:18:48,058
Hey kid does your mom ever get over to

401
00:18:46,079 --> 00:18:50,399
that guy's house when he's away

402
00:18:48,058 --> 00:18:54,379
sometimes

403
00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:54,380
thought so your mom's or

404
00:18:57,058 --> 00:19:00,200
save me

405
00:19:01,970 --> 00:19:09,079
[Music]

406
00:19:03,798 --> 00:19:16,699
show me all the places I've never known

407
00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:16,698
[Music]

408
00:19:17,538 --> 00:19:24,240
race all of these broken dreams and

409
00:19:21,900 --> 00:19:26,220
flights

410
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:28,519
oh well

411
00:19:26,220 --> 00:19:28,519
foreign

412
00:19:38,490 --> 00:19:41,608
[Music]

413
00:19:50,509 --> 00:20:03,529
[Music]

414
00:20:07,319 --> 00:20:19,679
[Music]