Baby Cakes is an episode that makes a lot of people turn their heads. Me included.
The existence of Pound Cake and Pumpkin Cake being two totally different races from their parents
left many viewers confused, and some using it as an excuse, saying there MUST be a chance
that you can be born an alicorn as well if you can be born a pegasus or a unicorn. But
they’re wrong.
When information in the show is introduced, like how two earth pony parents can have offspring
that are unicorns or pegasi, we cannot say this isn’t canon, because… it was introduced
in the show and we have to incorporate said information into our own canon now. Alright,
now that this is canon, can any race but an alicorn produce alicorn offspring? The short
answer, drumroll please, is no. But you won’t believe me so we gotta give you the long answer.
Let’s delve right into this. Alicorn: Ooh ooh, I was born an alicorn and I’m proof! HAHAHA YOU’RE WRONG- ANYWAY!
ANYWAY
Alicorns in MLP’s lore can be divided into around 4 things as to why they are the way
they are. They are a combination of all races, they are enlightened in a certain subject
so much to the point of gaining a horn or a pair or wings or even both, said subject
having to do with magic and harmony, are royalty, and are supposed to spread their harmony across
the land of Equestria. SA: Well, this has nothing to do with me not
being born an alicorn. I’M TOO GOOD FOR YOUR STUPID RULES!
ST: Well sorry Princess Rainsparkle fucking Nova
Alright, the first one is so simple I’m not getting into that, but the biggest reason
why you can’t be born an alicorn is because of the second one. When you’re enlightened
in something in MLP, you get a little magic painless tattoo on your bum, you know, a cutie
mark. And if you’re born an alicorn, then you must be enlightened in something, right?
So you’ll be born with a cutie mark! Simple! Right? Well… no.
Uh... Storm, are you okay? I'm... fine!
Oh hello, huh. AHHHH!
Never in the show have we ever seen anyone born with a cutie mark, and the whole society
of Equestria is based on cutie marks themselves, discovering one, and then pursuing some career
in that cutie mark to fulfill your role you were meant to play in Equestria. If a little
foal was born with a cutie mark, she would be straight ahead to a career and then child
labor and… yeah. Furthermore, most cutie marks probably need you to talk or walk or
think or draw or write or use magic or fly or use your hooves in anyway that involves
a certain skill, but you’re like a minute old and you have a cutie mark in like, grass
or animals or something when you’ve never seen the outdoors because you were born in
a hospital. Doesn’t make much sense, huh? Not to mention your whole childhood as a pony
is meant to be a blank flank until discovering your cutie mark, so this born alicorn with
her cutie mark has the worst life ever because she had no childhood and is more boring, without
any imagination, than Maud Pie. Woohoo, don’t you just love your character, so tragic and
full of despair because YOU, the creator, decided to make it born an alicorn? How does
that make you feel? I don't need this negativity in my life
DID I ASK YOU? AHHHH
Like shit? No, it doesn’t. Because at the end of the day, YOU’RE Ponysona or OC is
an alicorn for one sole reason and DON’T tell me it’s for any other, because it looks
cool. No matter how hidden that reason is, trust me m8, it’s at least subconscious
when you created your OC. But I am like so awesome!
AHHHHHH ANYWAY, the Journal of the Two Sisters state
that Celestia and Luna were born alicorns, and that’s canon, so that means my theory
is disproved… oh well. HAHA WRONG! Celestia and Luna were born alicorns because they are
special in Equestrias history, they had to defeat Discord to save the land, and thus
are special alicorns. It was their destiny to bring harmony to the land, and we know
destiny plays a big role in this show, Magical Mystery Cure...
Alright, so is there any other reason why you can’t be born an alicorn? Well sure,
but this requires some math, something I used to be quite good at but then puberty happened
and the school system introduced algebra to our incompetent teenager brains and UGGGHHH-
There are 7 billion people on earth, but Equestria clearly isn’t a world, it’s a country,
because there are mythological creatures and they need their own countries like Griffons
and the likes. So for the sake of my argument I’m gonna say Equestria is equivalent to…
MURICA. WOOO FUCK YEAH #PINKLIVESMATTER.
Alright, math time. Most comments I recieved on my original Insane Complexity video was
released said that their alicorn OC was born with a 1/1000 chance of it being an alicorn.
For one, 1/1000 is like completely against any genetics because there are only dominant
and recessive genes… or a ¼ chance of being an alicorn if alicorn hood is recessive. Of
course you can say it’s because of a genetic mutation but what’s to say you still have
alicorn magic? This fraction is going to be important to figure out the population of
“born alicorns” in Equestria. Let’s assume that Equestrias population is 317 million
ponies, like the USA, and that said population is divided equally into men and women, so..
158,500,000 men and the same amount of women. Let’s assume everyone has 1 kid with eachother,
every man and woman are paired, so let’s do 317 million divided by 2 and we also get
158,500,000 ponies born. Then we do that divided by 1000 and we get 158,500 alicorn babies.
Now of course we aren’t taking into account people who have kids and the likes, but this
is theoretical. Storm: You know what else is theoretical…
Tyandaga: Hey guys, Tyandaga here! Storm: Hey Tyandaga...
Tyandaga: Oh, hello Storm! Storm: Mind if I teach you some new… theories...
Tyandaga: I already took physics in high school… Storm: Well this theory is all new… cause
those horns of yours aren’t the only thing that’s horny…
Tyandaga: UHHHHHH SO DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD CHANGE
THE SCOPE OF THE SHOW? It’d change it by a lot. Alicorns flying around everywhere,
super powerful alicorn beings. And all alicorns we’ve seen so far have been royalty, meaning
that that would mean 158,500 princesses and princes just, you know, walking to the grocery
store all willy nilly. BUT NO. THAT CAN'T HAPPEN. If there was a world with 158,500
alicorns, plus the Alicorn Princess in MLP, that would mean there would be no conflict
in the show because super powerful alicorns are everywhere, which means no wars, and no
fighting, and no anything! Bye Tirek, bye Chrysalis, BYE FELICIA. The world would be
absolutely rainbow daisy easy pickens. And 158,500 superheroes would be pretty boring,
wouldn’t it? All these alicorn’s, being here for no reason, it just doesn’t make
sense. It’s useless. If the MLP world is fine off right now without 158,504 alicorns,
it’ll be alright for a long, long time without Princess Rainsparkle Nova.
Rainsparkle Nova: Honestly, I do not want to hear your transmisogynistic, fat shaming,
skoliophobic, BULLSHIT! Tumblr, are you with me!?
Tumblr boxes: Text to speech Storm: Sigh… *walks out of screen*
*gets chainsaw* AHHHHHHHH
*zooms in on Storms face, cuts*